Thursday, July 13, 2006
I used to think that everyone in the world should be forced to wait tables at least once in their lives. I have come to the conclusion that this is simply impossible. However, there are times when some of the worst that waiting tables has to offer can reach out and touch the common man, or woman as the case may be. I'm not referring to dealing with many tables with many people with ridiculous manners and more ridiculous orders. I'm also not referring to "the weeds", which any and all waiters know intimately. I'm referring to waiter ass.
Waiter ass - or the more sensitively termed, waiter rash - occurs when the legs begin to chafe because of heat and proximity, and more heat - a crotch on fire if you will. Unless cured immediately, with either regular doses of baby powder (best applied in the walk-in freezer) or a change of pants or underpants, waiter ass can turn quickly for the worse.
Well Karoliina and I went to Tallinn for a Saturday trip. 90 minutes on the SuperSeaCat and we were in Estonia by noon. It also happened to be one of the hottest days of the summer so far, and for whatever reason Karoliina decided to wear overalls. Everything started out okay. We walked from the harbor to the Italian restaurant in the old town that we wanted to check out when we were last there in March with Kelly and Frank. We had a decent enough lunch in a beautiful restaurant and then thought we would check out the goods. In a few minutes we had almost completely overheated and needed to go inside somewhere to cool down. But one spot had overheated a little more than others. Karoliina explained her situation to me, and fortunately I was able to trigger the days of waitering and quickly pointed out the remedy choices. Since a walk-in freezer was pretty much out of the question, it was time for a change of pants. Problem solved. And what's more while in the mall Karoliina found a pair of shoes that she had been looking for and I found a beautiful linen suit that I had been looking for. Usually the only thing that comes from a case of waiter ass is more waiter ass and a hangover. But this time it proved quite useful.
The boat ride home was wonderful. With about 45 minutes to go we decided to have a drink on the deck. The sun had gone down enough, as it was close to 9pm, to make the place cool and pleasant. It was awesome to approach Helsinki from the water. Usually when it happens we are asleep after a long night on the boat back from Stockholm. But this time is was different and I think we will definitely be going back to Tallinn again before the summer's over. But next time K will be wearing linen pants at the very least.
Waiter ass - or the more sensitively termed, waiter rash - occurs when the legs begin to chafe because of heat and proximity, and more heat - a crotch on fire if you will. Unless cured immediately, with either regular doses of baby powder (best applied in the walk-in freezer) or a change of pants or underpants, waiter ass can turn quickly for the worse.
Well Karoliina and I went to Tallinn for a Saturday trip. 90 minutes on the SuperSeaCat and we were in Estonia by noon. It also happened to be one of the hottest days of the summer so far, and for whatever reason Karoliina decided to wear overalls. Everything started out okay. We walked from the harbor to the Italian restaurant in the old town that we wanted to check out when we were last there in March with Kelly and Frank. We had a decent enough lunch in a beautiful restaurant and then thought we would check out the goods. In a few minutes we had almost completely overheated and needed to go inside somewhere to cool down. But one spot had overheated a little more than others. Karoliina explained her situation to me, and fortunately I was able to trigger the days of waitering and quickly pointed out the remedy choices. Since a walk-in freezer was pretty much out of the question, it was time for a change of pants. Problem solved. And what's more while in the mall Karoliina found a pair of shoes that she had been looking for and I found a beautiful linen suit that I had been looking for. Usually the only thing that comes from a case of waiter ass is more waiter ass and a hangover. But this time it proved quite useful.
The boat ride home was wonderful. With about 45 minutes to go we decided to have a drink on the deck. The sun had gone down enough, as it was close to 9pm, to make the place cool and pleasant. It was awesome to approach Helsinki from the water. Usually when it happens we are asleep after a long night on the boat back from Stockholm. But this time is was different and I think we will definitely be going back to Tallinn again before the summer's over. But next time K will be wearing linen pants at the very least.
// posted by Howard @ 2:58 PM 
