HB COLD

Lately, the first thing I do in the morning - before I go to the bathroom, before I switch on the coffee, before I even put on my glasses - is look outside, grimace and then stick my middle finger out at what I see. What I see is grey, sleet, snow, rain and ice and boy is it pissing me off. This weekend it was sunny, even warm, and almost all of the ice had melted and it really seemed like Spring was in the air. I was sure that Spring would begin a little earlier here in Helsinki than in Joensuu, since we are in the South of the country, but no such luck. I am really beginning to understand why Finns are so damn pessimistic, it's because everytime there is a ray of sunshine, or hope for that matter, it is followed by a grey cloud of melancholy. We even set the clocks ahead this weekend with the thought that it would increase the hours of sunlight, so that even though it may be cold, at least it would be sunny. But instead it has prolonged the hours of greyshine.

I swear it must be dejavu. I bet I could pull up all of my March posts and there would not be a single thing written about anything other than this crap-shit weather. We even had friends in town just a week and a half ago and already it feels like that was last year and that nothing is happening and that nothing is going to happen. Just going through the motions I suppose. Just marinating in this crap before we are able to enjoy anything remotely resembling a nice couple of days.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "March sucks in Finland. Absolutely, positively sucks." I think that every March that I have been living here I have had to write that at least once. And this year I was expecting it to be a little different, since we are now further South than we have ever been at anytime since 2003, but no, not this year. This is the coldest beginning of any year in Finland since the 1960's and it is nowhere near ending. The day's are sometimes sunny and warm and other times cold and a tornado of snow. The nights are all the bloody same, cold and colder. And all the melted ice and snow from the daytime freezes over making everything slippery and dangerous.

This weekend we will officially begin our summer hours, but it won't resemble summer in the slightest. As I said, March sucks. On a brighter note, the little lady got a job this week. She is now a mobile producer and there's a tenner in it for the first person who can figure out what that is. The only thing I do know is that the job was advertised on national television and K had to go through the most thorough and exhaustive process either one of us has ever been associated with. Psychological testing, interview after interview, homework and finally a 2 month trial period. But she should pull through that well enough and be on her way to producing mobily. She begins on Thursday and will have to work weekends, because she will need to go to the television studios where they shoot an absolutely horrible variety show on Sat. - if any of you saw Conan's trip to Finland it is the show with those two annoying little kids - and then on Sundays when they shoot the Finnish version of Dances with Stars.

For some reason I always wanted to be a wildlife photographer. Not that I'm a particularly good photographer, but simply because I get a lot of satisfaction out of watching animals in their natural environment. I've seen moose and buffalo in Yellowstone way back when. I've seen reindeer and foxes and jackrabbits here in Finland, snakes and other lizardly things in Texas. Not too many wild creatures in New York except for all those out and about past 3am. But on the trip back from Tallinn I saw one that takes the cake, a seal and her cub(?) floating on a chunk of ice as we passed. They bobbed around a little and as the Tallink boat got closer and began to cut through the icy area, the seals dived into the water. I think I watched them for about 5 seconds, just long enough to call Kelly and Frank over to look and see, but not long enough to get my camera out and take a picture. Like I mentioned, not a very good wildlife photographer. And this is one I really would like to have had a picture of because as it turns out, not too many people believe me. But here's a picture of what the scenery was like from the boat, and I don't think it takes too much imagination - or photoshop skills - to paint an image of a seal and a cub(?) out on the ice.



The seal was one of many highlights from the past week. The Sunday we returned from Stockholm to find Helsinki bathed in sunlight and half of the city's inhabitants out on the frozen Baltic Sea. Before we began our walk we stopped at Cafe Ursala which was packed with people, most sitting outside (It's in the background of the picture posted below, behind the guys on the right). It looked just like a ski resort. Then we trekked out onto the ice, out towards what we thought was a nearby island. But it's not like paths are easily created out on the snowy, icy sea and so we only made it half way, but it was just far enough for me to take what is perhaps the funniest picture of Karoliina that I have taken in years.



Sunday night we went out to Helsinki's biggest gay club - not the most eccentric, as that would come at the Mann's Street Bar, where we sang heavy metal gay Krakow, and brought the house down with a duet of Paradise City. At least I thought we brought the house down, and so did our crazy opera singing fan who danced like a maniac as we sang and hugged us endlessly when we were finished. The club is called DTM which stands for Don't Tell Mama and a Turkey lives there. Only this is not a turkey any of us had ever seen before. This one likes boys stomachs. We were having a drink and talking, when all of a sudden a guy approached me, lifted up my shirt and tried to rub my belly. I grabbed his arm and said, "No thank you." and then he walked off. A few seconds later, while we were discussing how weird what just happened was, he does the same thing to Kelly and then to Frank - who earned top 10 stomach honors in his book. Finally he introduces himself to us and tells us his name is Turkey, like the poultry and not the country. At least that's his queen name when he's in drag. He also hosts Turkey, drag, bingo. The Finnish word for Turkey is Kalkkuna, which might very well be the only Finnish word Kelly and Frank remember.

Monday was an easy day because Tuesday morning we were off to Tallinn for a boat ride that, from the passengers looked like it was a cruise through limbo. It was so depressing and boring that we started to drink before 11am, on a Tuesday, and compared to the others on the ship, we got a late start. Tallinn was beautiful. At least the old town where we spent the day and night. And easily one of the coolest bars any of us had ever been in was Karollina's bar, which was just a tunnel built into the old wall. That was it, but it was great and it had a nice name.



We had lunch in a Caucasian restaurant that served up specialties from Georgia and Armenia and other dishes from the Caucasus. And of course there were vodka shots as appetizers.



In Estonia, Finns have a horrible reputation. They come over for the day or the night or both and drink and drink and make crazy fools of themselves. Moreso in the summertime, but we would not be the exception. We had dinner in Olde Hansa where the wenches served us and the players played the lute and other medieval instruments.



And, luckily for us the night ended quickly after dinner.



On Thursday night we celebrated Kelly's birthday and Karoliina's which will be on Monday. And we decided to celebrate in style, heavy metal karoke at a gay bar. When Kelly and Frank send us the pictures I will post them and tell a bit about the night.

I almost burst out laughing today in class. It was a Project Management lecture and the teacher (no names) was going on and on about the reporting process. It was so bloody dull that I began to remember one of the many ways in which my father pretended to kill himself in order to put himself out of his misery and escape the brutal boredom.

First I spread my fingers out wide. Then one-by-one I closed them, first the pinky, then the ring finger, next the middle finger so that I was left with my hand in the shape of a gun. Then I put my index finger underneath my chin and pulled the trigger. But the horrible boredom persisted. So then I tied the imaginary rope into a noose, slipped it over my head and around my neck and pulled. But still, the lecture continued. Slash my wrists? Of course I did, but to no avail. Finally, I pulled out the imaginary pill container from out of my pocket, emptied it out onto my hand and swallowed them all. At last, it was time for a break. Man it was so damn boring today. And now I should be working on my project plan assignment, but even thinking of it is making me bored.

By the way, a Happy, happy birthday to my sister Tricia, who wins the award for sending me the nastiest link in a long time.

I think some people just like being naked. And I think those same people like being looked at when they are naked. Even if, when naked, they are an abismal sight to see, I think they still get a kick out of it. Case in point, yesterday at the sauna and pool there was not a bathing suit to be found. Because of the time there were mostly old men in the sauna and the pool. But strangely enough the attendant was a woman. And wouldn't you know there was an old, fat, naked man chatting her up. Totally naked, just standing there chatting. I admit this was one occassion where taking off my glasses and not seeing very well was a good thing.

But all nudity aside, the place was great. 2 saunas, one set at 75 and the other at 85, even though it felt a lot hotter. And the pool was wonderful, nice temperature, good size and filled with old naked men and it was also very cheap for students. And now that I don't need to buy a bathing suit, just some goggles I think I will be a regular there.